Predators Movie, Was It All That?

Written By: mike on September 23, 2010 No Comment

We All Feel It:

A quick glance at the movie by Robert Rodriguez, Predators and even the cynical, popcorn-repulsed, indie-lover will feel all the hairs rise up on the back of their necks. And, like its too-numerous-to-count popcorn-movie counterparts, that’s about all Predators is good for. Now, keep in mind that my review is based on the trailer and about ten minutes of rigorous in-depth Google research–for despite the rush of blood to my testicles, my sanity got the better of me and I did not contribute my twelve dollars to the dumbing-down of humanity by purchasing a ticket.

The Sad Truth:

Regardless of the fact that I have not seen the film, the trailer gives us all the information (and emotional excitement) necessary for a thorough review. Predators, is a sequel to the original 1987 film, Predator. The movie, like its title, reflects our regurgitated, glossified, unoriginal twenty-first century taste buds–ie the main difference between the original and the sequel will be some high-quality CG and the addition of the “s” to “Predator.”

Art Reflects Culture:

Apparently, back in 1987 storytellers understood that fear is generated from the unknown, and built stories empowered by that core truth. The original predator was alone on his man-hunting mission, and the reveal of who or what he was had been carefully measured by writers Jim and John Thomas–building to the climax of the film in which Dutch, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, asks the Predator what it is, only to hear the Predator ask the same question back. This nod to the mysterious nature of fear (what is it, where does it come from) is woven into the very fabric of the movie, as many critics will point out it’s allegorical overtones for the ill-fated, fear-driven Viet Nam War.

“Art” Reflects Culture:

These days, mass audiences swallow whole every glossy, regurgitated movie with a trailer promising more, more, more! More action, more humor, or more sex. And what’s most disturbing is the fact that no matter how many times they get duped by yummy trailers supporting hollow movies, they keep on getting duped. The modern proverb that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results applies here. For despite the more, more, more in Rodriguez’s Predators, audiences will leave the theater feeling less, less, less. Unfortunately for Rodriguez, good storytelling requires more, more, more than bigger explosions and extra monsters. Good storytelling requires a depth that Hollywood apparently sold to the devil in exchange for blockbusters somewhere between 1987 and 2010.

A Good film for Boozers and Druggies:

Despite the shallow, boring over-use of action and the colossal failure on Rodriguez’s part to pen good-old-fashioned fear, I can and will gladly recommend Predators for boozers and druggies. Every film has an audience, it’s just a matter of finding it. My point here is this: for those interested in shutting down or crippling the old cerebral-cortex, Predators is your Driving Miss Daisy. Twelve dollars is a small price to pay for such base distraction. Besides, despite it’s relative low value as a moving picture, it’s a hell of a lot better for you than another pint of Wild Turkey.